Every relationship in life has a basic essence. The people in every relationship will operate from either a selfish standpoint which is the state of being more concerned about themselves or they will operate from a selfless standpoint which is being more concerned about the other person. For the sake of argument, let’s make selfishness comparable to hate and let’s make selflessness comparable to love. The two operate together in the same way that two sides of a coin do. So with that, you will always be operating in one side of the coin or the other at any given time. So every interaction that we have with each other is based from the standpoint of love or hate, selflessness or selfishness.
Now if you have read anything that I have written, either book or post, you will have heard me speak about “what you do for others being done unto you.” This is because I quite frankly try to govern my life by it to the point that whenever I do something that I don’t want done to me, I try and fix it as fast as I can. But along the lines of love, when love is “given” love is “received.” But I wanted to speak a little more directly to those that we have a close relationship with like a husband, a wife, our children, our family member, close friends, etc. From those relationships, how many of them have just been around for years and the relationship seems to be just grow closer and closer? On the other hand, how many relationships have you had that are now over and you don’t want them back and you wonder “What the heck was wrong with me” in the first place to ever be in that relationship from the start?
Going back to my initial statement, I believe that every relationship has a basic essence. If the essence of the relationship is selfish the acts done in that relationship, by one or both parties, will be done solely to benefit one person and not the other; they will do things that are solely about themselves and their feelings; they will want things from the other that are solely about themselves and their feelings. A relationship that is based in this type of selfish focus, or love for oneself, and hate for the other, will end up with the selfish person being with the one that they love the most; themselves. In this case, they love themselves more than the other person and that self-love will push away the one person that they do not love or the other person on the other side of the coin that they hate. (Now if you’re having a problem with the use of the word “hate”…I apologize, but consider it this way; if we go back to the coin and every side of a coin is the clear opposite of the other side, than the opposite of love is hate. You may say that you may still care for the other person, just less than you do for yourself, but in essence that’s the point I’m trying to make. Let’s pick a clear side one or the other and understand it from a clear black and white stance. Then hopefully it will help clarify the grey areas that may arise from different situations.) So if your love for the other person isn’t based in unconditional and pure love, the presence of hate or selfishness that exists in that relationship will taint it and have an ultimately destructive outcome on it.
Just as a parent shows unconditional love for their child and as the child grows, they begin to return that love back to the parent, so do the seeds of love shown into other relationships begin to breed back to us the result of that love back to us. So if the essence of a relationship is love; a sincere concern for the other, a sincere concern for their feelings and a sincere concern for their heart from the standpoint of unconditional love, that love will provide the relationship with the needed “life” to keep it alive and growing. This life, which is born from unconditional love, helps the relationship flourish. The “essence of love” creates the “seeds of love” and the “seeds of love” grow and “breed more love”; in short it “Love Breeds Love.”
With the relationships that have ended in your life, how much “real unconditional love” was in operation during the relationship? If there was more “real unconditional love” for the other person, do you think the relationship would have lasted longer? I ask you to now consider the relationship(s) that you may have now, are you feeding them with the seeds of love to make sure that they continue to grow and flourish, or are you draining love from the relationship(s) by hating the other person and/or using them for your own selfish needs? If this is the case, it’s only a matter of time before no seeds of love are being planted into the relationship and it eventually ends. If this is ok with you, keep you and your feeling above the feelings of the other person, and you and the one you love the most (which again is you) will eventually be alone and together.
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